I Miss You

How long can I sit here, lost in my thoughts?

How deeply can I drift into the past lives I’ve lost?

How long can I sit here and wonder “what if”?

When will sweet nostalgia turn bitter and stiffen my muttering lips?

When crusty tears mosey between the lines on my crinkled leather face

And exhaustion sputters a last laugh like a toddler’s choked sigh after sobbing

I miss you.

When songs of seasons’ change return with the tepid breeze

Though we were too lost in one another’s souls to see

The wispy clouds disappear above our grass-stained heads

I wish I could go back, if only for a moment, to the day we wed

To lay in your arms under the sun, the moon, the falling stars

Say something

Silly, in that cartoonish voice

So I can cackle and cry out your name

I miss you.

Perhaps the strangest thing is that I always knew

I knew that those perfect moments would one day live as memories, now far and few

Still

I chose to leave you

To run, to chase after my lost, longing self

To piece her together

Like you tried to

Or to live alone, safely tucked away where no one can know me

Where only I must bear the burden of my traumas and unfortunate truths

Who knows?

You more than I, you always seemed to say

How annoying

I want so badly to hate you for your imperfections

But it only makes me hate mine and me ever more

My greatest sin

Was wanting you to be different from who you are

If only I could have changed

For you

For me

I wonder

Look out across the lonely sea

A ghost of you leans against the silver Mustang, looking like James Dean

One hand on the gas pump, the other tucked into the pocket of your baggy jeans

You look at me in my red leather nest and smile

With that beautiful grin that always melts my heart

Stay with me, just for a little while…

I could have died in your arms

But I wasn’t ready to die yet

So, from the other side of the ocean

I miss you.

And I hope you’re ok,

Wherever you are